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The new song keeps running through my head as I drift off to sleep and when I wake up, I find that I've often forgotten all but a remnant. I can’t wait to play it and relive it all again. I am a child on Christmas morning, looking at all of the gifts under the tree and bursting with joy to open them and explore what’s inside. How can so much untapped joy be all in one place? How can this not bring deep satisfaction and meaning to life?
I believe creativity is inherent to God’s nature and that everything is made from a word: “Let”, allow, unleash, open, release. I think God is glorified when creation lets out in song and tries in some small way to reflect and emulate that divine nature. If I can open myself, receive and offer something true, letting it free into the world, I am living faithfully and being true to myself and others. For me, this is the source of music’s meaning, and the joy it brings and cascades to others. In his book, ‘Man’s Search For Meaning’ Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl says that the primary human drive is the pursuit of meaning, not pleasure, and that meaning finds its source in what you create, how you love, and how you respond to adversity. I’ve found that creating something that contains a part of me is meaningful, and that filling my time with meaningful habits each day brings sustained peace and joy. Creativity, of course, has endless forms, but I’ve known for a long time that creating music is mostly what I want to do.
Contact: patrickwilliamsmusic.info@gmail.com
The Quick and The Dead is an original demo album I made with my longtime music partner, Taylor O'Connor. The songs on this album were written in the late 80s to mid 90's. This year marks the 30 year anniversary of this original demo album! The album was enough to get us a small record deal at the time, although we never pursued that path. For more on the backstory check out my interview with Voyage Magazine.
Some tracks on 'It Ain't Hard, It Ain't Easy' were recorded on 4 track cassette, but all other songs were recorded on a digital ADAT recorder using SVHS tape. The set up at the time was simple and clean, and it allowed us to focus on the songwriting, which is just the way I like it. It was a creative, joyful time in my life and I am pleased to be able to remaster these original recordings and get them sounding their best. Extracting the source material from those legacy recording technologies was tedious and time consuming. The old recorders used tape and the tapes were sticky, crinkled, and damaged. The transport mechanisms with their rubber idler tires, pinch rollers, and belts had all turned to sticky tar! First, I had to disassemble these machines to clean all that gunk out of them and replace the rubber parts with what I could find available today. Even the play speeds differed between recording machines making some songs a touch off of standard key frequencies. Loose connections and damaged tapes added to the challenge, but eventually I was able to splice and repair the tapes and transfer the multi-tracks for all of the songs into a modern digital audio workstation (DAW).
From there I added new bass and drum tracks. I added background vocals and guitar tracks on some songs that needed them. Finally, I remixed and remastered each song to bring them where they are now. Almost all of the songs were recorded off-grid, with natural human timing. There remains a quirky, lo-fi quality to one or two songs, but I was glad to keep the original charm of these tracks true to their time. It was a labor of love, taking many months, and I hope you enjoy listening to these songs as much we as enjoyed creating them and renewing them!
Several other musicians collaborated on these songs. Although I have lost touch with many of them, Taylor and I want to acknowledge the important contributions they made to the album.
Steve Levine played the incredible harmonica solos on 'Admit Me' and Michael Carriare played electric guitar on that song. Thanks to our great friend George Varani for connecting us to Michael. Karin Allen sang the beautiful female harmony track on 'It Ain't Hard'. My wife, Heather, painted the original cover art we used for the album 30 years ago. Many thanks to them for adding their joy and talents to these songs. Special thanks to Rich Spangenberg for loaning me his ADAT 8-track recorder so I could transfer my old source recordings (and especially for letting me take it apart to get it working). This album could not have happened without his generosity.
Taylor O'Connor plays piano, mandolin, harmonica, and drums on the original tracks. I performed vocals and guitar on the original tracks, and bass, drums, guitar, and background vocals on the remastered versions. Most of the original songs did not have drums or bass, so adding these elements brought to life our original vision for them.
I've included original photos from the demo in the song descriptions below. Singles from the album will be released each month beginning November 2024, starting with 'Drinker 21'. The full album will be released in 2025.
Patrick Williams, November 2024
Patrick Williams, 1994
Taylor O'Connor
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Hope and Nicotine
Hope and Nicotine expresses the imagery and emotion around grace and redemption. It was inspired by many long road trips home to see my parents, traveling through the Appalachian Mountains and being moved by their ancient grandeur. There was a lot of quiet time for contemplation on those journeys.
Last year I made a road trip to Michigan and found myself driving silently, playing nothing on the stereo, and instead enjoying the long stretches of peaceful silence. I'd missed having so much time to think, pray, and meditate. But once I was deep into the West Virginia mountains I suddenly wanted to hear Hope & Nicotine. That trip was a catalyst for me to restore these songs and bring them where they needed to be.
Hope & Nicotine Lyrics
Coming off Tuesday
Wednesday’s gotta move me
She says the clouds
Are cut from mountains
She says the mountain's
Cut from rain
And she rains on me
Cooled by the forest dew
I heard a whisper call like snow
And I followed you
Driving till I’m homesick
Bent on hope and nicotine
She says I know a savior
She says my savior’s
All around me
Now she’s all around me
But I fall apart
When I think about falling apart
And it all comes down
To here and now
I close my eyes
And I am here now
Coming down from Calvary
Cryin’ for forgiveness
She says my home
Is waiting for me
She says my faith
Will take me there
It’ll take me there
Stilled by ancestors
Drawn to water
Down the hollow
Fight to swallow air
Breathe in the warrior’s soul
But I fall apart
When I think about falling apart
And it all comes down
To here and now
I close my eyes
And I am here now
She says I never knew my soul
She says I never thought about it
She says I know a savior
She says my savior’s all around me
All around
Feel my freedom open heaven
I tell you
That my freedom’s catching
She says the clouds
Are cut from mountains
She says I know a savior
I know a savior
Patrick in a jam, 1991
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Drinker 21
Drinker 21 is a rumination about heartbreak in 3/4 time. I wrote this song in 1992 when I was working as a bartender in a college town. This was a job I disliked very much. At the time I had just graduated and was looking for an engineering job, working at a bar at night to pay the rent while making lots of music during the day. This song reflects my inner discord as it shifts between the patron's grief, and the bartender's self possession (just another number). It is a diary of that time, seeing myself in both characters at once, and reflecting on loss and longing. The song was a way to express this dichotomy and tension within.
Drinker 21 Lyrics
The bartender looked through
The eye in the mirror and then,
Poured me a drink.
"How about them Orioles,
Going for the pennant this year?"
He smiled as he said it, as if
Maybe that made him happy.
But I know that’s not very happy,
If you’re the guy
Rooting for Boston
And I know she left me
To save me the pain
Of knowing she would.
Oh, oh
Drinker 21
Another rounds coming and then
You can tell me your struggle
Drinker 21
You’re not the only one
I just dumped two today
The bartender moved close
To give me a light
For the smoke,
That filled my intentions.
She could’ve loved me
If I hadn’t given so much
But I know she loved me
cause I have
all of the pain to prove it
And I know she left me
To save me the pain
Of knowing she would.
Oh, oh
Drinker 21
Another rounds coming and then
You can tell me your struggle
Drinker 21
You’re not the only one
I just dumped two today.
Drinker 21
Another rounds coming and then
You can tell me your struggle
Drinker 21
You’re not the only one
We both will be lucky to die
Backpacking with friends, 1991
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It Ain't Hard,
It Ain't Easy
It Ain't Hard, It Ain't Easy is one of the first songs I ever wrote. The initial tracks were recorded on a 4 track tape machine in the late 1980's and it bears that sound quality. It's a simple song I still love playing today. The 3 part harmonies, the piano, the harmonica...the crickets! All conjure fond memories of the time it was recorded and the simple joy of making music. Special thanks to Karin Allen for her beautiful harmonies.
It Ain't Hard Lyrics
Ooh, it ain't hard,
It ain't easy loving you.
If he told you
That his love was real
He fooled you.
And if you fell for his love
Did you let it rule you?
Ooh, it ain't hard,
It ain't easy loving you.
Are you searching for
Your love's lost lies
And dreaming?
Come and walk with me
And love will never leave you
Ooh, it ain't hard,
It ain't easy loving you
Ooh, it ain't hard,
It ain't easy leaving you
Ooh, it ain't hard,
It ain't easy loving you
Ooh, it ain't hard,
It ain't easy leaving you
Taylor with the keys, 1990
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Taylor Road
Taylor Road is a country road in Ohio that I used to bike with my girlfriend (now my wife). It was inspired on one of our rides together and visualizes the joy of my heart and the desire to heal through acts of love.
Taylor Road Lyrics
Down on Taylor Road
Past where I told you
All my heart
Would ever know.
Coyotes roam the land
Close to the loss I feel
My love don't heal no one
All I want is your peace
To sooth me.
It's all I need,
If you want to move me
Catch me lost in you
Almost took it
For my own
Filled by the moon
Wrapped around
My eyes and toes
That lifts all life to grow
Held by your soul
That’s told by
The loss I feel
My love don't heal no one
All I want is your peace
To sooth me.
It’s all I need,
If you want to move me
Catch me lost in you
Almost took it
For my own.
Stretched out
Like a country mile
Drawn towards
The setting sun
Past where I told you
All I want is your peace
To sooth me.
It’s all I need,
If you want to move me
Catch me lost in you
Almost took it
For my own.
Down on Taylor Road
Past where I told you
All my heart
Would ever know
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Servant To King
Servant To King started as a guitar song and ended up a piano song. The piano playing by Taylor is glorious, so I am glad for the evolution of this song. It's fun to play on guitar, but I am inspired by the originality and power of what Taylor played. The strong, rolling piano riffs that land and immediately restart their run beautifully capture the 3/4 beat and drive the song forward. I think of this song as the peak of our collaborative energies. I remember Taylor and I reading each another's mind on where a song should go during this time. It is a memory I cherish. I'm grateful to have experienced that deep music connection and the power of collaboration.
The song is a contemporary spiritual song about faith and providence.
Servant To King Lyrics
I need the river, to wet my lips
I need the sun, to dry my lips
So I can thirst again
Embrace me dear Jesus,
My arms are around the world
My heart is at home
With the Son.
I need the salt
To heal my wounds
I need the earth
To touch my bones
So I can live again
Embrace me dear Jesus,
My arms are around the world
My heart is at home
With the Son
Embrace me dear Jesus,
My arms are around the world
My heart is at home
With the son
When peace conquers violence
And guns become silent
The servant will live with the King
When peace conquers violence
And guns become silent
The servant will live with the King
When peace conquers violence
And guns become silent
The servant will live with the King
Embrace me dear Jesus,
My arms are around the world
My heart is at home
With the Son
Embrace me dear Jesus,
My arms are around the world
Taylor atop Old Rag Mountain, Shenandoah NP
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Find My Way
Find My Way was an improvised piano piece Taylor had recorded with a DAT machine and a Steinway grand piano at the University of Maryland. He didn't have a mic preamp so he cranked up what little gain the DAT player had to offer and just started playing, creating a beautiful, heartfelt ballad. You can hear the slight hiss of the cranked up gain knob at the start of the song. This was a time when digital recording was just beginning and this song marks our first step towards a higher quality sound. At the time he wrote the piano piece I had just moved from Maryland to Ohio. When I heard it I couldn't wait to develop it further and immediately started writing the vocal melody and lyrics. This song inspired us to make this album together and it may never have happened without it. I am grateful for how music can bind us together.
Find My Way Lyrics
Maybe I’ll find my way
To the mountain
Or maybe I’d like to try
Or maybe I’ll breathe you in
And understand where I begin
Maybe my eyes are dry from pain
And maybe my soul
Is home again
Or maybe my fight’s all gone
‘Cause I don’t have to fight alone
Letting go only means
Giving up the bad fight
That keeps your soul from peace
Now you see you are OK
Maybe I’ll find my way
To the mountain
Maybe I’d like to try
Maybe I’ll breathe you in
And understand where I begin
Letting go only means
Giving up the bad fight
That keeps your soul from peace
Let go. Now you see you are OK
Now I see love in us
Maybe I’ll find my way
To the mountain
Or maybe I’d like to try
Or maybe I’ll breathe you in
And understand where I begin
Maybe, maybe, maybe
ohh
Maybe my eyes are dry from pain
And maybe my
Soul is home again
Or maybe
My fight’s all gone
‘Cause I don’t have to fight alone
Play
Legacy
Legacy was inspired after driving along a 12 lane city beltway and imagining what the landscape looked like 3 thousand years earlier, when hunters roamed the land and life was simpler and much less convenient. The sprawl around me made me ponder how we've lost touch with our roots. It is a tribute to a humanity long dead, whose simple joys of living inspire me to reconnect across the many barriers we erect with each other, and with God.
Legacy Lyrics
This day is mine for free
My little car lost in a sea
Over these hills
Great hunters did roam
And I order over the phone
Ah
Oh ah ah
No moment’s more precious
Than now
And I’ve been in line for hours
Ah, ah
Oh ah ah
Our kind were survivors
In the past
The memory just won’t last
This day is mine for free
My little car lost in a sea
Oh ah ah
Ah
Play
Drown
Drown is a deeply personal song. It's an exploration of despair and the relentless nature it can possess inside of us when we abandon hope, which we must never do. This song serves as my substitute for despair and that is the reason it exists. When Taylor shared the piano composition with me, the music sparked such a depth of emotion in me that I couldn't wait to collaborate on it. This remastered version adds drums, bass, and synthesizer tracks which I believe add richness to the song.
Drown Lyrics
Claw at the flow of water
Helpless as this moment
Slip to cold, the life above
Cast out like the pull,
go under
Drown, down deep the sorrow
Float beyond tomorrow
Rise, and fill the body full
Drown down very deep
Lost, is this that once was all
Gone, as the frost turns to fall
Drown, down deep the sorrow
Float beyond tomorrow
Rise, and gasp the body full
Drown down very deep
Wash upon a rolling wave
Gone is all that ever saves
Fall to wills that never gave
Wash upon a rolling wave
Gone is all that ever saves
Fall to wills that never gave
Life, still pours to this ingestion
Crumble to the tides
That question
Who am I?
Drown, down deep the sorrow
Float beyond tomorrow
Rise, and gasp the body full
Drown down very deep
Taylor and Patrick photo shoot for an earlier album version in the 1980's
Play Push
Push was written in a period before internet when my friends and I would mail cassette tapes to each other with the challenge to write 1 new song every week! We would dutifully write our songs, add some commentary, and mail our tape each month. This song was on one of those tapes, and Taylor and I decided to develop it further. I am inspired by Taylor's piano track, especially mid song during the lyric "once when I was a boy, I was amused when I twirled around. But now, but not now, I spin around among my fear...". The fast driving piano riff is so inspiring to me I find myself rewinding it to hear it over and over again!
Now I don't let in
Who I don't let in
But if you come real close
I'll skip the handshake
Feel your heart take me
Then the storms came
And the floods came
And all that came
Did pass his judgement on me
Feel the anger of God
Homing in on me
Feel the push of love
Closing in on me
Feel the anger of God
Homing in on me
Feel the push of love
Closing in on me
Once, when I was a boy
I was amused
When I twirled around
But now, but not now
I spin around among my fear
And if I could find the ground
And if I could find the ground!
Feel the anger of God
Homing in on me
Feel the push of love
Closing in on me
Feel the anger of God
Homing in on me
Feel the push of love
Closing in on me
I fall down
I am embraceable
I call out
I am embraceable
Feel the anger of God
Homing in on me
Feel the push of love
Closing in on me
Feel the anger of God
Homing in on me
Feel the push of love
Closing in on me
Original demo tapes sold in local stores and mailed to record companies, 1993-94
Admit Me (Unreleased) is another song inspired by my observations as a bartender. It's a story of longing, confession, and redemption, exploring our human condition from a place of pain to a place of hope. The source tape for this song was on 4 track cassette, so the fidelity is not great, but the performance is inspired. Special thanks for the incredible musicianship of Steve Levine on harmonica, and Michael Carriare on electric guitar.
This song is an unreleased outtake. Click here to listen.
Original cassette album cover and song order
I'm Alive (Unreleased) is a lo-fi recording that was extracted from a live radio interview Taylor and I did in Ohio. It was added to the original album to demonstrate our ability to perform live. Unfortunately, the source tape was low quality so Taylor and I plan to remake this song in the studio and release it on another album. I have some old recordings with new elements for this song that I look forward to bringing to life. The song itself is about embracing the pains and joys of life in equal measure.
This song is an unreleased outtake. Click here to listen.
I'm Alive Lyrics
Coffee, smokes, and rent
And all my money's spent
40 hours down
And I am up again
Daybreak closing in;
Darkness falls; life begins
Tripping on the sea
That once was drowning me
Days of emptiness
Touch days of happiness
Far from there I come to here,
To laugh among the laughter
Days of emptiness
Touch days of happiness
Far from there I come to here,
To laugh among the laughter
Ah
Cable sharks and gold
And preacher save my soul
Can you feel my pain
Through the remote control?
My will is bound; twisted 'round
I keep it down
Like the crashing sea
That once was drowning me
Days of emptiness
Touch days of happiness
Far from there I come to here,
To laugh among the laughter
Days of emptiness
Touch days of happiness
Far from there I come to here,
To laugh among the laughter
Ah
Oh I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
Oh I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
Oh I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
Oh I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
Oh I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
I'm alive, I'm alive,
I'm alive
© Patrick Williams and Taylor O’Connor